I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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