Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
