I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
