my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
