when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
