I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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