Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
