I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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