I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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