At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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