New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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