u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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