I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
