About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
