How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
