you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
