from now on my penis is your penis
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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