great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
