dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
