i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
