i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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