How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
