the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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