We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
