At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
