my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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