Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize