it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
