Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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