Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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