So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
