well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
