Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize