You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
