we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
