you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
