My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize