there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
