Pappa wants mamma naked
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
