We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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