i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
