You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
