I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
