Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
