i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
