I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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