I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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