Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
