tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
