you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
