yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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