the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize