pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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