how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I want is dick and wine.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
