her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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