you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
