I cannot find my penis.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
