Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
