and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
