tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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