So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Houston, we have a blender
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
