i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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