someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
