guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
