why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
