she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
