THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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