Betty ford says i'm here all night
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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