then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
A+ Viking dick
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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