the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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