I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
