I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
