morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this just has baby written all over it
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
