Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
