My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
