we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize