yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
